I just don't get it. Parenting is hard. Moms should be supporting each other. Yet so many moms I know feel they are constantly judged. They are judged for giving their kid juice, jarred baby food, and a passie. They are judged for breastfeeding too long, not long enough, or not breastfeeding at all. They are judged for the kind of diapers they use, whether or not their kid behaves in line at Target, and what kind of snacks they put out at playgroup. ("Oh, she's one of those organic moms who tells her kid raisins are candy." or, the opposite, "I can't believe she put out Chips Ahoy and Doritos! Does she know what is in those things?") They are judged if they choose to work, and they are judged if they don't want to work. They are judged from the moment they let people know they are pregnant (Can you believe she is having a beer!), the moment they give birth (Not the dreaded c-section! What kind of slacker mom are you?). I am saying "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." John 8:7. Who are we to judge? That is neither our job, nor our (self-appointed) right. I am probably preaching to the choir here, as this is probably addressed more to myself than any one of you, but the bible does not say, "Discourage one another daily." I have come to realize that no matter who my OB is, or even the fact that I have an OB and not a midwife, does not determine the kind of mother I am. I don't let my kids watch Spongebob Squarepants, I prefer they not eat fruit snacks, but if they are at Nana's, no rules apply, I used cloth diapers with some, formula with others, and passies with all, but none of these things determines my identity. It doesn't matter how much cake they eat at the birthday party, how clean my house is, or if they are quiet in line at communion. My identity is not determined by these things. My identity is that of a daughter of the Lord Most High. And the grace he has given me mandates I give this grace to others because I am not his only daughter.
Thanks for letting me work this out. Sorry if this is too "religious" for you. I'm married to a priest now, so I have to throw one of these in every now and then. I got a reputation to uphold.
9 comments:
I hear you. But I'm guilty of it, too. Because we have to make so many and such important decisions and give each one so much thought, I think it's hard, for me at least, to remember that our way isn't the only way. (Especially when my husband has such, well, bizarre ways.)
Alyson, I as well struggle with planks in my eye... thank you for the honesty and sharing truth from God's Word! I enjoy reading your blog when I can! :-)I hope Henry is holding up well...Jonas says hi to him (he was amazed at the picture and the cast!).
I have learned in my 20 years of parenting that what I have judged seems to ALWAYS come back and bite me in the bottom. So even if I don't understand a way of parenting or I cringe at a child's behavior (my own's lately!) I try to say to myself, "there before the grace of God go I". He lets me see my plank pretty clearly then. Hugs and kisses to all the Kees...
Alyson, I love reading your blog - especially this one. Being a new parent, I think everyone is guilty of criticizing other ways of parenting that aren't their own.
Thanks for writing this.
Thanks for your support, ladies! I actually had this written for two days. I was debating whether or not to post it. I'm glad I did.
"Outlet for my angst" could be the title for your next blog...or your band.
-Angie
Don't start a new blog. I like the one-stop-shopping this one affords. It is such a blessing to support one another in the practice of humility, grace, and "not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought." What a lovely example Jesus was of not "majoring on the minors" and just focusing on loving people exactly where they were.
yeah. you know what i like? fruity pebbles with organic 1% milk. mmmm. tasty and not the least bit contradictory. also, i'm all about cloth diapers, and i'd love to have a full-sized SUV. and i've started doing most of my laundry with cold water, but i LOVE to have a long, HOT shower. the wonderful and freeing thing about realizing one's own inconsistencies with his or her "principles" is that it helps in not judging other people. it also helps me not take myself too seriously. which i think is one of the things that leads us to judge others in the first place- people are so serious about their positions and opinions that they forget to just love people. anyhoo, thank goodness for god's grace and love for even those of us who don't have a lot of grace and love for others.
You do not need to doubt your abilities....ever. You are the best Mom I know. Your children are loving, sweet, kind and mannerly. That says a lot about their parents. And, I'd say that even if I wasn't their Nana and your mother!
Post a Comment