menagerie

This happens at our house a lot.  I'm not the only one, right?

It is after dinner.  Malcolm climbs on the sofa and starts pushing buttons on the answering machine.  I sit behind him so he doesn't fall off.  This is the first time I have sat since I picked up Henry from school at 2:00 and sat in the car pickup.  I kind of want to zone out, but I can't because my "pets" start climbing all over me.

Ceci:  Mewow, mewow.

Henry:  Ruff...ruff, ruff.  (Pants hot stinky breath about 4 inches from my face with tongue hanging out of his mouth oh so appetizingly.)

Malcolm: (imitates gross panting with tongue hanging out, only somehow it's not as gross.  Maybe because his tongue is so much smaller.  Then he bangs his little hands on phone.)

Henry:  Ruff, ruff, ruff.  (does some crazy, inexplicable hand motions)

Me:  I don't follow.

Henry:  When I say, "Ruff, ruff, ruff," it means that the rocket is going up, up, up and is going to orbit the Earth and fly through the stars, then land in the ocean and explode.

Me: Oh.

Malcolm: (picks up phone and screams loudly into the wrong end) Aaaahhhhh! 

Ceci:  (giggles) Mewow!  That means the kitty wants food and water in her dish.

Malcolm: Aaaahhhhhh!

Henry: Ruff, ruff, RUUUFFF!

Me:  Well, I just made dinner, so kitty will have to get her own food and water.  (Kitty pouts)  Henry, DON'T LICK ME!  Ceci, Mommy left some pretend food in the kitchen.

Malcolm:  AAAAAAHHHHHH!   Awoooo?   (starts banging the phone handset onto the receiver.)   AAAAAHHHH!

Ceci:  (giggling at Malcolm) 

Henry:  Ruff, ruff.  (Rubs his face on my leg, then goes for Malcolm.)

Me:  Henry, don't lick Malcolm, either.

Malcolm:  AWOOOO!  (I think this means hello.)

Ceci:  MEWOW! (digs knee into my thigh.)

Me:  No pets on the sofa!