breakin'

As most of you don't know, we went to Ft. Myers this past week for spring break.  My brother was out of town, so we wrecked, er, stayed at his condo.  It is very nice.  Or it was.  Anyway, Monday and Tuesday were rather chilly and ominous, so Patrick took the kiddos to the movies and Malcolm and I killed time at Target.  Wednesday, it was supposed to be 82 (it never got there) so we braved the beach.  We went to breakfast at the old people standby, Sunflower Cafe (Home Cooking and Cocktails!) and were in the public parking lot on FMB by 9:00.  The beach didn't really warm up for another hour and a half, but we went in the water anyway.  It was pretty uneventful that first morning.  We left by noon, put the kids down for a nap, and went to play mini-golf after naps.  And then the fun really began.

When was the last time you played mini-golf?  Well, I haven't played for, oh, 15 years, and a lot has changed.  For instance, what was once a cheap "sport" now requires you take out a small loan in order for a family of five to play.  There are a lot of things I could do with $40.  I just wished we had gone 3 weeks earlier when Ceci was still 3.  We could have saved ourselves $9.75.  

in our golf attire

However, most of the things that have changed are the things that change when you are no longer a kid playing mini-golf, but a parent bringing small children to play.  I managed to pick a place, Castle Golf, that had extensive water features.  So, by the second hole, Malcolm had thrown his golf ball into said features.

it's not coming back

We spent a lot of the time making sure Malcolm didn't go the way of his golf ball.  There were two very close calls, one involving a bridge, and the other involving too much downhill momentum combined with a front-heavy physique on his part.  However, he managed to stay out of the water, and spent most of his time careening across the green, falling down stairs, and stealing everyone's ball.  He did try to hit Mommy's ball once, though.

look at that grip!

At one point, I was carrying Malcolm, and Patrick was carrying three clubs and two golf balls, and we were walking on this long bridge through the woods.  Patrick somehow managed to drop my golf ball and lose it in the underbrush.  He was able to rescue it, but it did add to the mini-golf antics.

rescue mission

Ceci turned out to be a very determined and creative mini-golfer.  She liked to hold the putter backwards, and swing in this weird inside way.  This made every hole a long process.  One of the holes, pictured below, had a rather steep incline.  She could not get that ball over the hill to save her life.  Eventually, 7 swings later, Patrick says, "Just pick it up and throw it, Ceece."  She answers with a quiet, resolute, "No,"  and swings again.  He replies, "I admire your spirit."  

spirited

As if Ceci did not have enough trouble, Malcolm only added to it by becoming a moving obstacle on almost every green.  

Henry, on the other hand, managed 2 hole-in-one's.  One we know was legit.  That is this one:

Once again, Henry displays that, like any Rodi, he excels at low-impact sports. 

 
Henry blew through every hole, and shouted impatiently at the rest of us to hurry up so he could move on to the next.  (He's having a hard time with our family maxim: "The trail is the thing, not the end of the trail...")  He would grab his ball out of the hole and burst forth to the next like a Chihuahua on crack, screaming the whole time, "Mommy, I got a hole in two!  Ceci had to swing 5 times!  Can I go to the next one?  The other family isn't there anymore!  Mommy, hey Mommy, look how far away your ball is!  Malcolm, you silly babester, that's Daddy's!  Here come here, Malcolm.  Hey, Mommy, I just got Malcolm off the green for you! Hey look, this one has a waterfall.  Noooo, Malcolm, don't drink it.  Mommy, Ceci just hit her ball and it almost went in the water."    Henry became the running commentary. 

It was quite an adventure, one we are sure not to forget, and well worth the money.  We had such a good time.  I mean, we didn't play so much as we took a tour of Castle Golf.  A very expensive tour.

That stream went along the side of every sidewalk at Castle Golf.  You see what an amazing feat it was that Malcolm stayed dry.

So, that all happened Wednesday.  Thursday was supposed to be warmer, so we planned to go to the beach again.  I did not bring the camera, but boy do I wish I had.  First off, the beach was packed.  I mean, by 10:00 it was blanket to blanket.  Let me take this moment to say that if you are someone who plays volleyball in a circle with 6 other people on a very small, very crowded beach, you need to stop.  Seriously.  The only thing worse than that is shore fishing.  I saw the guy next to us get out his fishing pole, and I almost ran up, grabbed it, and broke it over my knee.  Luckily, his plan was to take it down to the pier and fish there like a normal person.

So, the we built castles and went in the water.  Malcolm walked across other people's blankets and wandered up and down the beach.  After he got a considerable amount of sand in his bathing suit, he decided he would rather not wear it and tried taking it off.  But not all the way off.  He would put his hands behind his back and push down the back of his suit until over half his butt was hanging out.  It was very Coppertone baby as he already had a tan line after three hours and SPF 50.  (We call that a Dago-baby)  It was quite entertaining, and not just to us.  The women on the blanket behind us were laughing and taking pictures.  All the while he was walking up to other people, all charming smiles and babble.  It was priceless.

Ceci had me take her to the public restroom not once but three times in the same amount of hours.  The third time, she and Henry and I were building a castle,  Malcolm had taken Patrick for a walk, and Ceci says in a panicked, grunty voice, "I need to go potty!" and starts making that face.  If you are a parent, you know the face.  I jump up and yell, "Don't poop in your bathing suit."  I swear I heard the people next to us laughing.  Then I shout, "Henry come on!"  and we book it through the hordes of people for the third time that morning only to be greeted with a line of old ladies who, after one look at Ceci, say "Go, go, you go!  It's ok!"  

After that, we get back to the blanket and Patrick and Malcolm are waiting there.  "We walked all the way to the pier, " Patrick says.  "It's time to leave" is all I can muster.  So, in the packing up process, Ceci spills her milkshake all over the beach blanket, I have to ask Henry 4 times to pick up the buckets, no one can seem to find their shoes, and the guy stalking our spot says to me, "It doesn't get any easier."  It took everything I had for me not to give him the finger. 

Don't get me wrong, we had a great time at the beach, and the whole week in general.  The thing is, that great time, as many of you know, was also physically exhausting.  But I would not have wanted to do anything else.