don't tell me to be calm, Ponyboy

Longtime H.o.K. readers may remember that the communion line at church is one of my least favorite parts of the week. Two weeks ago, Ceci wailed at the top of her lungs the entire time we were standing in line. I am not exaggerating. I made no attempt to calm her down because it would be akin to reasoning with a hyena. Why was she wailing? Naturally, because she wanted to be first. But, oh wait, Henry wanted to go first, too! So what happened? Well, Mommy went first. So did that fix the problem? No. Then she wanted to go second. But Henry did. And Mommy went to Hawaii in her mind.

Anyway, we then developed the "Henry goes first on odd days and Ceci goes first on evens" rule.

Well, today, the ridiculosity (it's a word) began before we even got in line for communion. First of all, I was in the nursery this morning, so my patience was worn thin already. So, we are sitting in the back (always a bad idea) and Ceci is furiously tap dancing in the open space in front of us, Malcolm is whining and growling, "dance. daaaaaannnnnnnce!" because he wants to get down and dance as well, and Henry is whisper-shouting, "LEVI! HEY, LEVI!" I eventually let Malcolm down, Henry gets up, and the three are dancing in front of me. Then they are running up and down the back of the church. Well, really just the Epistle side. Then they are hanging over the back of the seats. Then Malcolm is laying on the floor, Henry is straddling him, and Ceci is tap dancing away. I drag them all in line for communion where H & C proceed to stick their butts out at each other and make farting noises. (Yes.) I tell them to stop, but in the meantime, Malcolm has taken over making the farting noises, and he is much louder about it. They continue a general array of shoving, shrieking, jumping, and raspberries all the way to the front where I tell them we are leaving immediately after communion, and they will not get to have a special treat before we go today. This quiets them down for about 2 seconds, but, oh, wait, it is our turn to go to the rail! So they run up for communion where Henry proceeds to take communion, practically bite Allyn's finger off, causing him to drop the wafer on the kneeler, where I pick it up and shove it in Henry's mouth. When I finish communion, I grab Malcolm and go outside to wrangle my kids into the car and find that Ceci has snuck a granola bar off the treat table and is hiding it in her dress. I require with force that she hand it over. I put them in the car and give Malcolm the granola bar to eat, mainly to stop his whining. Ceci proceeded to wail "I want my granola bah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ar!" the entire ride home (10 mins? I don't know. It felt like 40.) Finally, when it got to the point where it was pretty much completely fake, no actual emotion included in the wailing, I said, "It's time to stop, Ceci." And she did.